I have been so incredibly sad today. It was like every person I saw – on my way to work, in the elevator, at lunch – reminded me of you. I turned on shuffle and put my earphones in and all the songs that played were for you.

I’ve been thinking a lot about your life – and I am so sad and sorry for your struggles. Details of the accident keep coming out and today I read the ambulance report. It said that they were notified at 17:58:00 and were en route to you at 17:58:59. What an incredible thing. People cared about you, Markie. I have sat tonight and worried that I didn’t show that to you all the time – I wish I could call you and tell you I love you and that for the rest of my life when I smell a camp fire I’ll think about when you’d take me camping as a kid – with the camper on your truck. Or ask you if you ever watched Orange is the New Black on Netflix. Or send you the Lorde and Us cd I just downloaded and have been listening to.

It’s the weirdest feeling that I can’t share these things with you. Or that I won’t hear you walking up the stairs in Cari’s garage to come into the kitchen. Or have anyone who will eat at Ho Ho with me (I think we are the only ones who ever liked it). What a strange thing. I can’t comprehend it. It’s so sad and upsetting and devastating.

The only thing that makes any of this okay is the thought that you are happy. Free from your mind and the struggles of your mental illness – I hope heaven is a place where we can quote movie lines and make endless cd mixes for each other.

Pink Floyd and Tommy Boy coming in hot. erastuI LOVE YOU.


2 thoughts on “11:11

  1. Well I was kind of doing ok for a minute until I read this super sweet, heartfelt post. Mark was the best in so many ways. We are so lucky to be his sisters. I know he’s looking down on all of us and that he will do everything he can to help us through this life. I can’t imagine a heaven where there’s no music and funny movies!! Love you Brookie. 🙂

  2. That was super sweet, Brooke! I know Mark loved you. He was a lot to deal with at times, and I know I’ve wondered if I couldn’t have been more patient with him, or expressed my love to/for him more often than I did. That feeling is a reminder that we need to make the most of our lives and our relationships while they last. I love you, btw 😉

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *